What I have learned about forgiveness

Jessica Key

I overheard someone say, “How can you forgive someone when they didn’t even ask for forgiveness?” It never even occurred to me that people felt that way. I was always taught that forgiveness is for the victim, not the perpetrator. I would like to share the principles that I have learned about forgiveness.

It’s more about me than you.

We probably all know people who suffer from “unforgiveness”. They were wronged and they probably have every right to stay angry the rest of their lives but who would want to? Being angry causes stress and stress can lead to physical illness. I don’t to be angry or sick and I don’t want to rehash the situation over in my mind a thousand times. And that is exactly what I will be doing if I don’t forgive. Besides, it's very likely that the person on the other side of the situation isn't the least bit concerned about me or my feelings.

I can set my own time table.

Sometime you just want to stew in your own self-pity for a minute. For small issues I might say, “I’m going to be mad about this for one more hour.”  Larger issues may take me a couple of days.

It’s not a onetime thing.

Even after you have forgiven someone, every now and then bad feelings can creep back up and then take over your thoughts. As soon as I realize this is happening, I just simply forgive again and move on.

Keep it moving.

Bad situations happen to everyone. The world is not always a kind place and I am sure we all have a million examples of wrongdoing we can reflect upon. That is exactly my next point, don’t reflect upon it. Just let it go and move on. Now, that does not mean completely forget about it so that you fall back into the same scenario again. Nor does it mean you now have to become “besties” with that backstabbing…whomever. It simply means you will not allow that circumstance to rule your life and to negatively affect your future decisions.

When you look at people who have had to endure the worst situations you could ever imagine and have gone on to lead productive, successful and even happy lives, they all have forgiveness in common.